Nine And A Half Hour Dream…

Dreamt my mother called me at an odd hour. I jokingly asked who’d died,but
she didn’t laugh. I know it wasn’t my father, because I could hear him in
the background. Then I dreamt Mike called me up and reamed me out and
swore at me (at least I HOPE it was a dream) at about 4:15 am and then
that I was in a hospital parking lot trying to get child leukemia patients
back to their rooms. Before that, I think I dreamt something about setting
up a new laptop in my new apartment, which was part of a large house with
an attic and a school downstairs.Also, there was something about renting
movies at Casa and watching them around a campfire in the desert, with the
movies being projected onto the side of a boulder. That part was kind of
cool. Woke up just as disconnected and dissociated and lonely and sad and
aware of my poverty as ever, but with a lingering sense of calm and
eventual comfort. Things may suck beyond all reason right now, but someday
they’ll be better, unless I die and if I die it’s not like I’ll be around
to complain, right? Still haven’t heard back on the part time “job offer”
I interviewed about last week. I may call back about that today. If they
don’t want me, they don’t want me, but if they’re on the fence about it at
all, well…I could definitely use the money and no one seems to have any
convincing objections to it, so…

Tom Waits Quote Of The Day

“There was nothing wrong with her that $100 wouldn’t fix.”

Only in my case it’s more like $2,000 and an emergency Zoloft prescription.

PS: To Tina’s brother and his girlfriend – hope you’re safe and well and that you realize things are not as bad as they seem, but also fuck you very much for endangering yourselves and worrying your families to death. Please return home safely and soon. And never doubt that you are loved, because you obviously very much are.

Not an exaggeration:I’m completely fucked right now…

… my goose is cooked – the fat lady has sung – the devil wants his due, etc. My life has persisted in becoming a nightmare of Jobian proportions and now on top of the job layoff followed by loss of income, followed by loss of transportation and a job offer way too far away to take the bus to, followed by fumigation and possible threat to my ability to maintain custody of my children,followed by the unexpectedly and seriously delayed paycheck that forced me to borrow $700 from my ex to pay rent and the electric bill, it now appears I am going to be evicted. There was a slim chance I could have worked out a solution, but then my ex put a stop payment on the rent check since I was “going to be evicted anyway, so why waste $500?” So now I have a health and safety dispute over the fumigation issue, plus I’m in arrears. I am so fucked. I don’t know where I’ll be sleeping this weekend, much less when I get to keep the girls next. I was already two weeks behind schedule for getting “my week” of custody due to the above mentioned issues and it was making me nuts. If I lose my girls I will die. Fuck. I am so screwed. Anyone who knows me well enough to have my phone number should probably call me asap. I’m not sure how or if you can help, but I need all the help I can get right now. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Don’t ever say “it can’t get worse.” It can always get worse. And it probably always will.