Dispatches From The Complaint Department

1) My supposed vocabulary word of the day was “citadel.” Fucking please. Do
they think I’m 12? Are there a large number of fully functional,web literate
adults that don’t know “citadel?” If the thing weren’t free I’d want my
money back.

2) What gives with the increasingly more bizarre serving suggestions on the
back of frozen pierogi boxes? I am Polish (don’t laugh, it’s not that funny)
and I buy frozen pierogi to eat as Polish people do: boiled with butter and
lots of sour cream. If I want to go to some extra trouble I’ll pan fry it
and serve it with maybe butter and sour cream and Kielbasa. It’s a simple
dish and it’s hardly rocket science to figure out: “Hmmm…potatoes and
cheese in a dumpling, do you suppose it might be good with sour cream?” So
what the hell is up with suggestions like “Serve grilled or baked on top of
a selection of salad greens, topped with salsa” or “create a casserole by
combining with ham cubes, broccoli florets and Alfredo sauce” or the one
that kind of makes me retch a bit: “combine with spaghetti sauce and
parmesan cheese, add meatballs if desired.” Mmm, nothing like mashed
potatoes and spaghetti sauce! Jesus Fucking Christ on a cracker, do you
suppose these same brilliant marketeers will next come up with something
along the lines of “Fajitas…why not add mayonnaise?” or “Nothing beats the
taste of sushi and cheese whiz.” Way to make unsuspecting consumers hate
pierogi. But whatever, that leaves more for me, I guess. Potatoes are the
breakfast of champions indeed.

3) My third hate note of the day goes to people who take a great CD and play it constantly to a captive audience until you think you’ve been inducted into a very special level of the Inferno and wonder what atrocity you’ve committed to deserve it. Thanks to my sales manager at work, I can’t listen to any more Sarah McLachlan for a long,long time.

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